Nuture Love, instead of celebrating hate

‎"I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that."
--Martin Luther King, Jr.

Yesterday, the US would call a day of infamy. I'm conflicted to celebrate the death of someone. I have a hard time even wishing pain or discomfort upon another person. I have made exceptions, I'm sure, over the years but that kind of venom only creates more poison that you have to bare. I'd rather be one of warmth and light. People that cause me pain or violent thoughts, I move to cast out of my life. What purpose would they have in staying if to cause pain? I, personally, need no reminder of pain. I have an excellent memory, better than I'd like in some cases, and re-visiting pain is no goal of mine. Though I do not know how to deal with the energies of this day, I know I must allow love to overcome. 

How do I do this when dealing with this kind of emotional attachment and all of the anger and hate around me directed at someone who is now dead. Where will that energy go? 

I meditated. I hoped, by the sessions that I offered, my energy will help even out the rage and celebratory response to this action.  [Understand that I served, and part of me want those that dedicate their lives to the destruction of others to suffer or be subdued, no matter their justification for their actions. That those people should not be allowed to carry out their hate or spread it to others. Some actions need to be taken. But I'm at odds with myself]

At the end of this... we need to love again. Somehow, or will never move forward. 

Day 14: Something to think about...

What is the difference between a quiet tangent of a wonderful thought, a prayer for someone's safety written by a man that never knew them, meditating over an idea that perplexes you or a feeling you would like to understand?

Nothing...

That's my opinion. Concentrated thought is more powerful than the words that might escape your mouth. Think about sarcasm, reading between the lines, the intention behind a tone, a particular delivery of a sentence or turn of phrase... The whole message changes with the intention or thought behind the message. I think the names, like prayer versus meditation. Or daydreaming versus problem solving. Even being still is doing something. Just like not answering a question is the same as answering. It's all about the intention.

I kept hearing about intention all sorts of prayer and meditation gatherings, either as an observer or participant.  In Yogi rituals,  5th Dimensional healing sessions, Christian Science sermons, Buddhist readings. Joseph Campbell's Thou Art That often used several religion comparisons saying most of them have or come from the same idea(s), especially in regards to focused thought. I liked that. Be clear on what you want in the world. Be careful what you ask for and the intention behind your desires. Kind of makes me think of the Rolling Stones song Can't Always Get What You Want. After all, we know what we want. It's often the case that we are given what we need when we really need it. I have to remember to thank (for me, it's) The Universe for reminding me that as often as I forget.

I have found, with the help of this blog (among other teachers I have), that I am discovering what I need behind my own way of meditating. Sometimes, it's worth writing down. I'll even share things like the new meditation app I bought for my iPhone (but not until I try it). But I wanted to mention that everyone can find their own path to meditation. There are people that can guide you through the process that they've learned to use. I have spent time in those environments. My paths included martial arts, yoga, military service, breathing exercises, spirituality, guided meditation, and rituals. Some practices work for me and some did not.

Just like anything, not everything is meant for everyone.

I'm just doing it my way, let me know when you find yours.

Day 9: What happened?

One minute I was under a great session with a Sigur Ros soundtrack and the next thing I know I got a text from a friend of mine. I was able to deduce that I started meditating with a soundtrack that was 66 minutes long. The text message came about 15 minutes after that. I was waiting for a particular song to peacefully transition out of the session. I heard the song during my meditation but I was in a great frame of mind and felt I could stay a while longer. I can't recollect at least 20 minutes. When I check the time, and started doing the math, my first thought was...

"What happened?"

Couple of variables. I was lying down, covered with a thin blanket in a cool room. Arms crossed over my chest and I was lying down. That might have been the problem. I think I fell asleep.

Meditation session was anywhere from 23 minutes to 1 hour 20 minutes. (Possibility of sleeping from 35 minutes through 1 hour and 20 is high.)

Day 8: Rest from the Rest?

I didn't meditate. I worked like crazy, then brain dumped and then got lost in entertainment.

I guess I needed a break from meditation? I think it's because I'm immediately writing about it and that makes it less relaxing.

I'm really thinking about this now. Do I keep this pace, adding to my work load and perhaps taking mediation and it's purpose out of context? Do I keep the pace of meditating everyday but only write about it on occasion, like wrapping up several sessions or particular sessions of note? Tweet everyday on twitter (https://twitter.com/#!/MeditateTo100) and write here on and off? Or some other combination...

I'll figure it out. I'm disappointed in myself that I missed a my daily relaxation session. Also, I'd really like to find the proper time to meditate. Before activities? After. In the middle of the day, like a nap? I still want to nap. I like naps. Lots of things to think about or... Meditate through.

Day 7: Prepare for the dream

No cone of silence. No earbuds. No iPhone App. No iPhone. No music. No Fans. No Airplane mode.

I challenged myself to meditate inviting any and all distractions. One day, I want to be able to sit anywhere and sink into a session. So, I need to start somewhere. I did use a pillow to sit on, other than that, I sat on the floor, back against the wall and began.

The funny thing about inviting distractions, you often get them. I got one. A dear friend of mine had to send me two messages in that moment, one that had to be answered.  I managed to only break my concentration for a brief moment. An observer would have missed it.

There was another moment while I was in meditation, where I realized my posture was really bad. I was hunched over with my lower back pressed up against the wall like I was driving a car like an old lady. Trying to keep my mind on the breath, I slowly straightened my back and barely rested my upper back or shoulders on the wall behind me. I may not be great in the posture category, but I'm realizing that I'm now conscious of it. I swear the session, breathing, and everything felt better after sitting upright.

The session itself was electric. I could feel my body going through, what I presume to be, the healing process from my training. Small pulses, and what feels like electric charges surge through various sore and tight muscles on the body. And most of me was physically sore. Once I was able to pull away from my body a little more, sinking deeper into my session, and set to drift. I attempted to keep my mind on task, but with recent happenings I kept getting pulled this way and that.

The most interesting part of my meditation was right before my exit. All of a sudden, I just went, "I'm done." That's at least where the argument started. I convinced myself that an alarm was properly set and I would not be late for the evening festivities. Once my excitement was under control, my alarm went off. A smile emerged on my face, I started to wake the rest of my body... then I jumped up and bolted for the door.



Today's session was 20:00.

Day 6: Not before Bed

What a long day. Felt like I was going non-stop, but not fast-paced. All work related stuff, which would have been fine if I would have taken a half hour break to reset my mind. Most of the day, it felt like I was using work and productivity to escape other unwanted thought processes. Work usually feels safe and there are usually benefits, one way or another, in time and energy spent towards success. Still, it took forever to slow down long enough to meditate.

I did not stop until well after midnight. Not really a wise move. Then I was planning on going to sleep after my session. Also, not wise (I'd find out later). I used the iPhone app again, sitting upright in my bed, covered in pillows and blankets.

It was a great session. I think I started over heating though. When I start out, I'm usually cold, something I get easily if I'm not moving. Just like the last time I tried to meditate in this spot, I got too hot and fell out of my state of mind. Frustrated that I did not have the control or discipline to continue, I took a deep breath and let it go and tried to go to sleep. That's kind of where the problem furthered.

I have issues sleeping all the time. I woke up after just a few hours. I was either really rested or wide awake for another reason, maybe I was still angry - possible. One part of me wanted to believe that I had found some kind of combination of sleep and meditation that would give me the rest I needed without the time investment of normal sleep. I was hoping for efficiency and productivity. The other part(s) of me was really sore from Crossfit and ninja training that I just wanted to sleep through that pain as well.

I like dream spaces and meditations because for those moments, you are not limited to your body. I think I have a very capable body and it grows more so everyday in my training. In a dream space, I can work out all kinds of things; problematic, spiritual, and emotional. Though I may not be sleeping as long as I'd like at a time, my dreams have become very entertaining and lucid of late. I'll enjoy that if it continues.

Today's session, approximately 23 minutes.

Day 5: Surrender to the sound

I grew up on a the tropical island of Hawaii (or Hawai'i). That would be the large one. And no, it's not Oahu, like most people think, and Honolulu isn't there either. The Big Island of Hawaii is the largest, not most populated and hardly developed compared to Oahu. The more popular side of the island, especially in tourism is Kona, or Kona side. Filled with golf courses, large white sand beaches and littered with every kind of resort from harbor to Kailua and beyond. That side of the island is known for being dry and windy, almost desert like. Instead of sand, we had lava rock. This is also the side where an Ironman is held every year. I grew up on Puna side, or Hilo side. Puna was the district and Hilo (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hilo,_Hawaii) was the largest city in the district. Hilo was hit by a Tsunami in 1946 and 1960, destroying the small and wonderful city a few times. That slows down development a little. I grew up in an even smaller town. I lived in the tropical part of the tropical district of the tropical island. It rained... a lot.

We've established that I am a water sign, have an affinity towards water, well, I'm going to hit that nail a little harder. I love storms. I love the rain. (It's common for me to bathe in the jacuzzi outside during a storm. LA is scheduled for rain today and possibly tomorrow. That is where I will be should the precipitation start.)  As a kid, I used to bike ride in the rains that turned roads into rivers. I love the sound and feeling of rain.

Today, I used an iPhone application called Brainwave Power Nap (http://appshopper.com/healthcare-fitness/power-nap). They uses audio signals and wave patterns to induce various levels of R.E.M. cycles for efficient napping. But, they also include ambient soundtracks including Rain and Thunder! Perfect. I've used this application several times for actually napping and it usually works wonderfully... if I can hold still with earbuds in while I'm trying to sleep...  The cool thing is that the app allows you to control the volume level of the ambient noise and the brainwave (that sends you into R.E.M.). Since I do not want to nap and need to concentrate, I turned the brainwave off completely. I set the timer to 30 minutes with an alarm and a back up alarm on my phone. It might take me a few minutes to settle and slip into a session but at least with this much time, I'll hit my 20 minute goal.

I had a few things in my head going into this meditation. I have been suffering an ankle injury for a while. Being that I do not have strong ankles and that I have a very active and aggressive lifestyle, I need my injuries to recover. Also, I'm short on time. I was headed to Crossfit (http://www.valleycrossfit.com/) almost immediately after my meditation. Crossfit is extremely intense and I was worried about how my ankle would handle having over a week away from any exercise. But, I do know that training will strength that weakness and hopefully prevent such injuries in the future. My goal was to seek a calm in my anxious state. I also wanted to set my mind to ask my body to heal itself, perhaps faster than what would be considered normal for my age and injury. Thinking about the old Guru that was able to meditate nutrients into his body, maybe it would work for an amateur, focused on advanced healing techniques, at much shorter intervals... Well, I can always dream.

This was a fantastic session. I am keeping the specificity of my mental journey to myself as I heard and felt exactly what I needed to find peace in that half hour. I hope, if you are taking a similar journey or dedication as I am that you will experience the same inner-encouragement. I felt myself drift out of the meditation 30 seconds before my alarm went off, to my satisfaction. I slowly re-established the connection to my body, feeling my fingers and toes first and stretching out so that every part of me was ready to face my intense work out.

The work out was a success (to a point). I did not finish. Although, I was in a class above my skill level and I enjoyed pushing myself to try. Even capable endurance is no match for experience, in my opinion. I had a great work out. I pushed myself as hard as was responsible for me to do.


In short, meditation allowed for concentration for physical success. That's a win.

Today's session was approximately 28 minutes.

Day 4: Like warm water for cold sun

My intention today was to meditation in the sun, disguising my practice as sunbathing with headphones (or earbuds, if you want to be trendy or an Apple fanboi). As soon  as I walked into the sun, a cold front moved in. The wind started blowing hard and my skinny ass was not going to be able to hold out any longer than a few minutes having left my shirt in my apartment, you know, because I was ...sunbathing...

New plan. Luckily, I there is a jacuzzi next to my freezing cold pool. The jacuzzi is not freezing. In fact, it's almost too hot. I know the temperature is not to exceed 104, so says the sign, but it always felt hotter than that. I'm back to aqua therapy. The nice thing about meditating in a hot tub, tub, or jacuzzi... drowning out noise. I use one of the steps in the hot tub to rest my head with the water level just passing my ears. All I could ear was the rushing of the water. Kind of a relaxing sound. No iPhone needed (not that I'd bring it in the water anyway - not that attached). I did set my stopwatch to note the time spent.

One good thing I found while meditating in hot water, is how quickly I relaxed. Something about the heat combination with the breathing, the heat making blood flow probably more efficiently, spreading the oxygen throughout my body at an incredible rate. It felt like hyper-meditation. For obvious reasons, I wouldn't recommend this approach for everyone. In fact, it's highly discouraged for many people, so be responsible with your body and know your limits. I'm exploring mine. I've also been in really good shape practically all of my life with no record of family heart trouble, etc. Just please be careful is all I'm saying. I'm no expert. Just a guy opening himself up to the power of the universe for guidance.

In my session, I felt a variety of things. After a few minutes and with each strong breath, I felt random sensations in my teeth (of all places), tingling on my chest and hands and a flush feeling on my cheeks. My face was the only part of my body that was not submerged in the hot water. I'd imagine my cheeks would eventually start to sweat but this felt different. Almost like Novocaine from the Dentist when they got closer to your cheek then the tooth with that needle. So I could feel it, and then I could like feel it. I concentrated on the cool oxygen and air entering my lungs. With the cool breeze, my lungs welcomed the relief the rest of my body was force to operate without. I imagined the air running through my body, stimulating and empowering as it flew through my system... then I returned to imagining nothing.

The heat eventually got to me. It could almost feel sweat trying to escape my body even through it was submerged. The remaining exposed areas of my face poured sweat, increasing my irritations with stillness. It did not take much longer to lose my focus completely. It became more about convincing myself to keep breathing and ignore the discomfort, then it did about meditation. We ask ourselves to breathe all the time, under stress, panic or shock situations. I figured if I was trying to convince myself, I was no longer in the session.

I slowly got out of the jacuzzi and walked into the 40-something degree pool just next to it. That was cold and quite a body shocking experience. I threw myself underwater to cleanse myself of the discomfort, jumped out the the pool and allowed my body to stop steaming. Quite a transition. The heart beat so hard that I could feel each pulse everywhere on my body. Heart beat... Nah, more like Body Beat. I love it. 

Today's session 10:32...

I think I'll meditate myself to sleep, see what that does. Possibly make up for lost time, even if it was a hyper-meditation session.

Day 3: Les Miserable - At the End of the Day

It used to be my favorite musical. On the third day, it described my last transmission.

I had a really long day. One of the reasons I started this blog is because of some emotional processing I need to do, due to personal progression in my life. We could call it Emotional Growth, of which I am experiencing incredible growing pains. What do the doctor's say when experiencing pain...?

"Breathe..."

So that's what I did. It was nearly 2 a.m. and I sunk into the shower again with a soundtrack of Sigur Ros. They have exceptionally long songs and this 10:14 song would work perfectly. I started in a Lotus.

I had much more running through my head during this session than I would have liked. I knew I was going to bed directly after and I was having trouble letting go for any more than a few minutes at a time. For me, I can truly feel myself escape my body for most of my sessions. It takes at least 10 to 20 minutes to get to that stage. Usually, I can't really feel most of my body. And observing yourself during a state of mind where you are supposed to be thinking of nothing might be counter productive. Even though I have a very artistic mind, I often take logistical and scientific approaches to collecting information. Part of me is desperately seeking escape from emotional chaos and other parts of me are trying to document the process. In today's session, I had trouble maintaining that disconnected from the body, connected to... something else, that I normally go through when I'm attempting to be under that long. I even had to change my position to extend my legs. I know these sessions will help me process this growth, as it helps me process a lot of things I do not understand, but today I felt like I just went through the motions.

I will say that I went to sleep quickly after the session was over. That was a nice change of pace, even if I woke up after only a few hours.

Session length was approximately 24 minutes.

Day 2: Day of Separation - Meditation

This is probably going to be a multiple meditation session day.

I'm a night owl. I used to fall asleep easily. That changed after I enlisted in the military. I go to sleep very late and wake up the same. It's safe to say I only sleep in the "morning."

Not quite getting my full eight hours, I decide to use meditation as a means to make up for lost time. The nice part about transitioning from snoozing to meditation is that your body is already relaxed. For me, my imagination is still in dream mode, and usually makes concentrating during those sessions more challenging, but great for waking up.

I have many things to meditate on today. It's Sunday. I have a lot of work to finish before the week starts, or for some, today is the start of the week. I have become accustom unexpected happenings on Monday. The more I get done, the better. And, today is the anniversary of my Date of Separation from the Air Force. I will be thinking about that a lot. Also, I have a lot of emotional pain that I'm processing, which is never easy. From many sources, I've established that meditation can heal all kinds of wounds. Emotional, Spiritual, and even some physical. (There's a report regarding an old Yogi master that was able to meditate nutrients into his body. They did medical tests and monitored him for 15 days, proving that he could indeed survive purely with meditation. So cool. I'll try and find the article and link it) It's worth a shot. And it's better than doing nothing; even though just sitting there and breathing seems like doing nothing. Especially when the gurus suggest you think of nothing as well... Isn't that the definition of doing nothing?! Of course, having just watched the new Karate Kid with Jackie Chan and Jaden Smith, I remember a line that said, "Standing still is very different from doing nothing..." I like that...

Because I know I'm going to spend more than one session opening up my mind, I wanted to try different approaches to meditate. I'm one of those that has to take a shower every morning before I do anything. It helps me wake up... (we've established I'm not a morning person). I decided that would be my first place of meditation. I killed the lights. Stretched after my body warmed up with the water. Sat down in the bottom of the tub and allowed the sound of the water pouring down to wash out everything else (instead of using a thunderstorm soundtrack). A couple of disadvantages in this environment, I have no idea how long I'll be under. Oh well...

I call this approach Aqua Therapy. I believe you can experience it in a pool, pond, hot tub, tub, jaccuzzi, ocean, stream, river, lake, sea, natural spring, waterfall, thunderstorm or shower. Humans are mostly water. Why not get connected to our most natural element during our re-connection to nature, right? I'm also a Scorpio, making me a water sign. I'm kind of at home there (disregard if you have a fear of water of any kind). I straightened my body (as much as I could in a tub), interlaced all of my fingers save the index fingers, which I pointed towards my feet. I figure, this position would channel a lot of the negativity and insecurities out of my system, creating a personal negative output system. I have no idea if that is what I was actually doing, but half of meditation is intention, I figured I'm on the right path even if I get the "procedure" wrong.

During my session, I felt and saw a great many things. It's amazing feeling what oxygen does to your system when that is the only thing your system is really doing. I felt a lot of sensations, like little vibrations in various parts of my body. I would imagine some of that would be numbing from sitting still so long. I practiced using the lower abdomen for my breath, expanding an area of the lungs that does not get used nearly enough by shallow breathers. I'm not sure if this is normal or not but I occasionally felt like waves of tingling in the final minutes of my session running up and down my body. I'd be curious to see if I can explore that more. By, again, just breathing. I will say, it's challenging documenting what I experience during a session when I'm concentrating so hard on nothing happening. I still think about work elements. Problem solving. This session, I made a lot of intentions clear about what I wanted in this next year. If meditation clears your path, I want to be sure my heart, mind and spirit are all headed in the same direction. The less internal conflict I have through this process the better. The last thing I need in a commitment is to fight myself when I should be loving myself.

By days end, I hope to meditate in the jacuzzi and/or sauna. I'm not sure if I will make it 20 minutes in either but I'm willing to try. I must hydrate properly before attempting it.

Happy Breathing...

This session lasted between 12-24 minutes.

Day 1: Meditation begins

Taking the first step is usually the hardest part about a commitment to an idea. I decided to take my mind out and just do it. This is meditation. There is no danger. I can meditate anywhere. I have virtually no excuse. In the past, I used time or a mood to persuade me from stopping and taking a breath from my busy life. I am just as busy but I'm in need of a little mental organization. I have an efficient mental process. Meditation has the potential of making that process more efficient. My research and personal practice suggests I will accomplish as much... just have to commit. So commit I did.

Set up with, what I affectionately call the Cone of Silence - a loud air conditioning unit that blows heavily in my room, I ensure audio distraction is minimal. For an extra boost, I also use my iPhone to play a soundtrack by Peter Samuels. It's a Thunderstorm track that is 21:17. Since most of my meditations have to last at least that long (and I usually have my iPhone with me), I put the song on repeat and put my headphones in. Before hitting play, I wanted to make sure I did not get uncomfortable in the middle of my session. I surrounded myself with pillows and crossed my legs into a relaxed Lotus position. I turned off the light but left my door open so that some light could peer in during my mental journey. There are a few things I'm thinking about for the future days. I will eventually need to meditate in bright areas with no shade. I will not always have pillows for comfort. And I will be in environments that even my ear buds will not be able to tune out. For today, I have control over those things. So I will start in my controlled environment.

I started my stop watch, I pushed play on my Thunderstorm track and I closed my eyes... Breathe...

It all starts with the breath. As humans, we can feel a little better if we just take a moment to breathe in some life. So, I took in breath. (There is a song by Sia called Breathe Me, amazing)

There are many theories on the proper way to breathe. Today, I just went with what was comfortable. In the future, I will link some Yogi techniques that you can try on your own. I alternated between breathing through just my nose, in through the nose out through the mouth, just the mouth and then a technique I've been working on; breathing in and out through both at the same time. It's tricky and involves tongue work. Air rushes in but releases much slower than choosing just one path - same could be said of life. Many guided meditations will instruct to focus on one thing, like a river, letting thoughts flow down and away from your consciousness. To be free of thought. I was not free of thought. I would picture a clear river with various vessel-sized 'logs' that were supposed to float down stream and away from me, yet just sat in my thought process as if to say, "Should we start paddling?" ...I had a lot on my mind.

In my meditative state, I thought about my work a lot. I'm one of those work is a life choice, kind of people. Regardless of industry, you know our drive. My mind is always thinking about the next move whether I'm conscious or not. I was hoping meditation would relax that process more, but... it didn't. I am happy to say that it wasn't a waste of time though. In that state, my mind was able to wrap itself around new approaches to problem solving. One could say that I'm remembering the things I haven't thought of while in meditation, but you'd have to subscribe to the idea that your memory has no chronological order. I've heard some good arguments. I'm still skeptical. Still, while breathing, eyes closed, music on and the intent on staying so for 20 minutes, I came up with some pretty cool ideas. Maybe it was because I was forcing myself to have minimal thought processes at a time, like a computer only running one application instead of seventeen. Maybe it was because I really need to get work done, my body knows it and is helping in alternative fashions. Maybe sometimes we need to just stop and breathe...

Total time in meditation was 33 minutes and 47 seconds.